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In the wake of pro-surfer Sarah Brady sharing alleged text messages with her ex, Jonah Hill, the internet exploded with a discussion about boundaries. Can boundaries be weaponized? When (if ever) is it okay to set a boundary for another person?
Hill’s alleged requests of his ex to honor his boundaries included not hanging out with people he disapproved of and taking down pictures of herself he deemed inappropriate. Subsequently, Hill was also accused of using “therapy speak,” which according to journalist Rebecca Fishbein’s Bustle article “Is Therapy-Speak Making Us Selfish,” is “prescriptive language describing certain psychological concepts and behaviors.” But exactly how toxic can therapy speak be? Is it possible that Hill believed he was just advocating for his needs in his relationship? In a world that’s now very tuned in to therapeutic practices and terms, it’s important to understand the difference between advocating for ourselves and inflicting our will upon people we care about.
The whole thing reminds me of a term that my friends and I use for smooth operators in the health and wellness community: Spirituality Bros. These folks are attentive to their spiritual and emotional development, as well as those of their potential partners. On the surface, this seems great. Finally, someone who “gets it.” They aren’t afraid to go deep, and their priorities to live a growth-oriented life are aligned with ours—that is, until they begin to use spiritual growth to test or erode personal boundaries of their partners. Using the guise of spiritual expansion, they may insist on spending khbrknews together under certain conditions or make requests of their partner to behave in ways they deem appropriate for their spiritual path. For them, this is the ideal relationship. They get their needs met by taking on the role of spiritual guide or guru within the relationship, which…
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