Since the dawn of gay culture, generally when something has been described matter-of-factly as “gay” or “queer,” it has referred to the stuff of men. Gay bars and clubs, for example, historically have been distinct from lesbian bars and clubs. This gendered default has persisted even though “gay” is not an inherently gendered term, and many women who love and have sex with women often describe themselves as such. But connotatively, this linguistic habit has worked to prohibit and exclude women, as part of a pattern that has left them under-examined and often ignored.
And so, it is refreshing, and even progressive, that Netflix’s reality series The Ultimatum: Queer Love, now in its second season, has focused on women (and a few nonbinary people) without further qualification. “Queer” means a lot of things, and women in relationships with women is one of them. They have been underrepresented, among many other places, on reality TV. Bachelor rip-offs like early Bravo series Boy Meets Boy and Logo’s Finding Prince Charming have, predictably, focused on men, as has Netflix’s Japanese dating show The Boyfriend.
The Ultimatum: Queer Love’s creator, Chris Coelen (also responsible for the Netflix megahit Love Is Blind and the similar Married at First Sight, which now resides on Peacock), described the impetus for making a queer version of the preceding hetero-focused The Ultimatum to the Hollywood Reporter in 2023: “The Ultimatum is super easy to do a fluid version, a queer version, a gay version, a straight version, whatever. As a format, it’s totally built for that.” This implies that the producer believes an all-male version of The Ultimatum would be possible, and perhaps it’s even in the pipeline. But Coelen’s confidence about the ease of such a version of the show is as yet untested.
For the uninitiated, The Ultimatum convenes a group of couples on the fence (in Season 2…
