Why We Should Agree to Agree

At a time when many of our most important conversations feel increasingly polarized, it’s easy to fall into patterns that keep us stuck. 

Too often, we retreat to our corners, avoid the hard dialogue, or settle for surface-level civility instead of real understanding. But the challenges we face today demand more from us.

When a conversation begins to feel too complex or emotionally charged, we often reach for a common refrain: “agree to disagree.” I’ve said this phrase myself. It is a polite way to avoid conflict and keep the peace. 

But what I’ve come to understand is that while it feels courteous, “agree to disagree” closes the door. It ends the conversation, and with it, the possibility for progress. What if, instead, we start from where we already agree? What if we say, “agree to agree”? 

Suddenly, we’ve started a conversation rather than ended one. Building on the common ground that already exists is the key to bridging what divides us and addressing our most complex social issues. 

Start with where we agree 

Few issues show the necessity of this approach more clearly than gun violence. 

For the past four years, firearm injuries have been the leading cause of death for children and teens in the U.S. And yet, coming together on how to face the devastating impact of this crisis remains one of our nation’s greatest challenges. Many believe this issue is too polarizing to even talk about. 

I believe otherwise. There is evidence to suggest that Americans ​​agree on more than we think. For instance, an Ad Council survey found that 80% of firearm-owning households agree that safe storage reduces injuries. And a 2024 Ad Council-led ​​study found eight in 10 Americans believe having more productive conversations can help reduce gun injuries and deaths among children and teens. 

In other words, we all want to keep children and teens safe. 

Starting from a place of common ground makes room for conversations that once felt…