One of the greatest musical geniuses of our khbrknews is Itzhak Perlman—but carrying the weight of that title as a child wasn’t easy. The virtuoso violinist describes his early musical education as the “triangle of hell,” with pressure from (and between) his teacher and his parents. Their motto: do as I say. When Perlman got to Juilliard, he was shocked when he was encouraged by his new teacher to be more expressive and self-reflective. Now, in the program for young musicians that he runs with his wife Toby, he uses a similar style with his own students, encouraging each to become the best version of themselves.
The Perlmans say media outlets often ask to see Itzhak working with his best students. The problem is they don’t have “best” students. They don’t believe “best” students exist. Instead, they encourage everyone to develop at their own pace and to collaborate rather than compete. They strive to foster a creative atmosphere in which there’s room for everyone’s true genius to develop.
On the one hand, it’s easy to dismiss Perlman’s early experience as a misguided mode of the past and to assure ourselves that we don’t put kids through hell with prove-and-perform pressure anymore. That we don’t single out and celebrate the students we see as stars while relegating everyone else to a lower status. Yet, in effect, this is exactly what we do when we label some as “gifted”—a common practice not only in today’s educational system, but also in our family systems and beyond. Whether it happens at school, at home, or elsewhere (and whether it’s about academics, sports, music, or art), research has proven that singling out a chosen few has negative consequences for us all.
Our intentions in labeling kids as gifted are largely positive. After all, if you’re the parent or teacher of one of these children, it’s natural to want to ensure they’ll get access to the resources they need to grow. And yet, don’t we want that for every…
