More Americans are remaining single—but hold off on your offers to set up a blind date or introduce them to your ridiculously good-looking cousin. Many freely choose their single status. “Lots of people really like being single and want to stay single, and not because they have issues or have had awful romantic experiences,” says Bella DePaulo, a social scientist and author of Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. “They’re drawn to what single life has to offer, including the freedom to follow your interests and passions and live a psychologically rich life.”
That, however, does little to dissuade nosy friends and family members from firing off intrusive questions. Here’s exactly what to say the next time someone asks you about your relationship status.
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“I’m so glad you asked!”
DePaulo, 71, feels fortunate that she’s been single her entire life. “I’m so proud that I’ve never given in to the pressures to get married or create a life centered around a romantic partner,” she says. She considers herself “single at heart,” a term she coined to describe those who love being single. “We’re happy and flourishing because we’re single, not in spite of it.”
DePaulo acknowledges that some people feel offended when they get asked why they’re single—as though they’re being forced to defend their choice. It’s a clear double standard, since people are rarely asked to explain being married. But she welcomes it: “I love talking about how meaningful and fulfilling single life has been for me.” By letting people know she’s glad they asked about her choice to stay single, she’s signaling that they’re wrong to assume being single is something unfortunate, she says.
“Oh, that’s funny—I was just wondering the same thing about you. Why are you still married?”
This comeback requires a certain amount of gumption—but DePaulo advises delivering it with a big smile, as though it’s a super fun…
